Out of all of the sequel ideas in history, this one - the Jurassic Park sequel idea with mixed-up dino and Goldblum DNA from the post - this one has legs!
Check this out!
Goldblum slowly realizes he needs to feast on blood, and also oddly has wings. "How strange," he thinks. "I don't believe this has ever happened to me before."
He flies around the lab, draining terrified dino-scientists of their blood through his nose, which is growing long and needle-like.
He's turning into a mosquito!
He begins to critique the quality of dino-scientist blood. The dino-scientists are insulted, and also becoming pale raisins of their former selves. It's not enough!
Super-strong for no reason other than it suits the plot, Goldblum breaks down the doors to the lab with a mighty kick of his now-spindly legs. The doors were unlocked, and could have easily been opened, but his hands are, by now, no longer attached to his new mosquito body, and have begun scampering across the floor to get away from this plot.
He is more insect than human! Ha ha! He is free!
... mehr anzeigen
Out of all of the sequel ideas in history, this one - the Jurassic Park sequel idea with mixed-up dino and Goldblum DNA from the post - this one has legs!
Check this out!
Goldblum slowly realizes he needs to feast on blood, and also oddly has wings. "How strange," he thinks. "I don't believe this has ever happened to me before."
He flies around the lab, draining terrified dino-scientists of their blood through his nose, which is growing long and needle-like.
He's turning into a mosquito!
He begins to critique the quality of dino-scientist blood. The dino-scientists are insulted, and also becoming pale raisins of their former selves. It's not enough!
Super-strong for no reason other than it suits the plot, Goldblum breaks down the doors to the lab with a mighty kick of his now-spindly legs. The doors were unlocked, and could have easily been opened, but his hands are, by now, no longer attached to his new mosquito body, and have begun scampering across the floor to get away from this plot.
He is more insect than human! Ha ha! He is free!
The rest of the movie depicts Goldblum living the life of an invincible zombie with wings, mostly preying on screaming crowds in Manhattan and Shanghai, sometimes at the same time due to another quirk of his DNA, which is never explained, and leads to much fan fiction.
Because it is necessary for the plot, he is also impervious to bullets, bombs, and death rays. Attackers' knives and swords break on contact. Most terrifyingly, he performs selections from Shakespeare before each and every meal. This happens because he made the unfortunate mistake of once dining on an acting troupe. How much more horrible can this movie be?
"Alas, poor... excuse me, what is your name, again? It isn't Yorick, by any chance, is it, he asked, hopefully?"
"Ed... Ed! My n... name is Ed!"
"Okay. Well. It will have to do. Alas, poor 'Ed... Ed! My n... name is Ed!' I knew him w... Oh, shoot. Now I need a skull. Never mind. Let's skip the immortal bard this time and get right to the bloodsucking, shall we?"
"AAAAAA!"
Jeff meets his match when he runs into a small group of illegal campers in Central Park who, as luck would have it, happen to have a can of branded mosquito repellent with them. This is necessary to help finance the movie, and that mostly involves paying Jeff Goldblum.
Goldblum is repelled! Mankind is saved, to the great disappointment of many.
Back at the lab, a very swollen and twitching Jeff Goldblum is squeezed until he is drained of his ill-gotten blood. The copious supply fills grateful blood banks, although it is an odd new blood type with the latent ability to turn recipients into Jeff Goldblum-mosquito hybrids. Nobody notices this except for a kid who applied his Mr. Fusion DNA Divulger to a sample he got through an expedited FOIA request.
Nobody listens to him. He is a strange child who raises mosquitoes in his bedroom closet.
The movie ends with a close-up of a twitching Goldblum during the draining, whispering a sponsor's brand over and over again.
"Mastodon! Massssstodon!"
Finance is strange.
Come on, it's a triillion-dollar movie idea! Maybe more! I can see the marquis now - Squeezing Jeff Glodblum!
We need to line up product placement financing. And maybe write a treatment. Or a script. Maybe even both! Who knows? Has anybody got Jeff Goldblum's phone number?
Steve's Place
Als Antwort auf Smudge The Insult Cat 🐀 • • •Out of all of the sequel ideas in history, this one - the Jurassic Park sequel idea with mixed-up dino and Goldblum DNA from the post - this one has legs!
Check this out!
Goldblum slowly realizes he needs to feast on blood, and also oddly has wings. "How strange," he thinks. "I don't believe this has ever happened to me before."
He flies around the lab, draining terrified dino-scientists of their blood through his nose, which is growing long and needle-like.
He's turning into a mosquito!
He begins to critique the quality of dino-scientist blood. The dino-scientists are insulted, and also becoming pale raisins of their former selves. It's not enough!
Super-strong for no reason other than it suits the plot, Goldblum breaks down the doors to the lab with a mighty kick of his now-spindly legs. The doors were unlocked, and could have easily been opened, but his hands are, by now, no longer attached to his new mosquito body, and have begun scampering across the floor to get away from this plot.
He is more insect than human! Ha ha! He is free!
... mehr anzeigenOut of all of the sequel ideas in history, this one - the Jurassic Park sequel idea with mixed-up dino and Goldblum DNA from the post - this one has legs!
Check this out!
Goldblum slowly realizes he needs to feast on blood, and also oddly has wings. "How strange," he thinks. "I don't believe this has ever happened to me before."
He flies around the lab, draining terrified dino-scientists of their blood through his nose, which is growing long and needle-like.
He's turning into a mosquito!
He begins to critique the quality of dino-scientist blood. The dino-scientists are insulted, and also becoming pale raisins of their former selves. It's not enough!
Super-strong for no reason other than it suits the plot, Goldblum breaks down the doors to the lab with a mighty kick of his now-spindly legs. The doors were unlocked, and could have easily been opened, but his hands are, by now, no longer attached to his new mosquito body, and have begun scampering across the floor to get away from this plot.
He is more insect than human! Ha ha! He is free!
The rest of the movie depicts Goldblum living the life of an invincible zombie with wings, mostly preying on screaming crowds in Manhattan and Shanghai, sometimes at the same time due to another quirk of his DNA, which is never explained, and leads to much fan fiction.
Because it is necessary for the plot, he is also impervious to bullets, bombs, and death rays. Attackers' knives and swords break on contact. Most terrifyingly, he performs selections from Shakespeare before each and every meal. This happens because he made the unfortunate mistake of once dining on an acting troupe. How much more horrible can this movie be?
"Alas, poor... excuse me, what is your name, again? It isn't Yorick, by any chance, is it, he asked, hopefully?"
"Ed... Ed! My n... name is Ed!"
"Okay. Well. It will have to do. Alas, poor 'Ed... Ed! My n... name is Ed!' I knew him w... Oh, shoot. Now I need a skull. Never mind. Let's skip the immortal bard this time and get right to the bloodsucking, shall we?"
"AAAAAA!"
Jeff meets his match when he runs into a small group of illegal campers in Central Park who, as luck would have it, happen to have a can of branded mosquito repellent with them. This is necessary to help finance the movie, and that mostly involves paying Jeff Goldblum.
Goldblum is repelled! Mankind is saved, to the great disappointment of many.
Back at the lab, a very swollen and twitching Jeff Goldblum is squeezed until he is drained of his ill-gotten blood. The copious supply fills grateful blood banks, although it is an odd new blood type with the latent ability to turn recipients into Jeff Goldblum-mosquito hybrids. Nobody notices this except for a kid who applied his Mr. Fusion DNA Divulger to a sample he got through an expedited FOIA request.
Nobody listens to him. He is a strange child who raises mosquitoes in his bedroom closet.
The movie ends with a close-up of a twitching Goldblum during the draining, whispering a sponsor's brand over and over again.
"Mastodon! Massssstodon!"
Finance is strange.
Come on, it's a triillion-dollar movie idea! Maybe more! I can see the marquis now - Squeezing Jeff Glodblum!
We need to line up product placement financing. And maybe write a treatment. Or a script. Maybe even both! Who knows? Has anybody got Jeff Goldblum's phone number?
mas.to/@SmudgeTheInsultCat/114…
#humor #microfiction
Smudge The Insult Cat 🐀
2025-06-01 01:26:44
Arnim Sommer 🇪🇺
Als Antwort auf Steve's Place • • •Where's the part where he blows up that alien space mothership?
Steve's Place
Als Antwort auf Arnim Sommer 🇪🇺 • • •